A new year, a new post...

I hope you all had good holidays, and weren't suffering too much when you finally roused yourselves on New Year's Day. Since I'm going to try (once again) to post on a more regular basis, what say we get to it?

I get up this morning and checked out Weatherscan (one of our too many channels that aids in keeping me glued to the couch)- which is pretty much the Weather Channel's “Local on the 8's” segment, repeated over and over and over. I wanted to see if snow was still in the forecast for Thursday and Friday.
I caught the channel just in time for today's forecast: “Abundant sunshine. Cold. High of 33.”
Are you shitting me? Cold? I never would've guessed if they hadn't told me that I'm so glad I didn't just toss on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt and head outside to work in the yard- like I'd planned to do. Those insightful geniuses probably saved me from frostbite and extreme hypothermia!
I should send them a thank you note, or gift, or something.
All kidding aside, though- the forecast highs for Norcross don't leave the 30s until Monday (when we're forecast to hit the low 40s). I went to work yesterday (and will for the rest of the week, too) wearing two long-sleeved shirts, a pair of sweatpants under my blue jeans, and two pairs of socks. And I work inside. Of course, I also work a good portion of the day in the coldest room in the building- which has zero insulation.
By the way, the forecast is still calling for snow Thursday afternoon into Friday (when our morning low is supposed to be all of 11). And again next Tuesday and Wednesday. Which makes me even happier that I live less than two miles from work. I can't imagine how hellish the commute will be the last two days of this week if there's snow or ice on the roads- considering what a circus it is in good weather.
And I love it when people say “I'm from (insert whatever cold weather state you want)- we drive in snow 46' deep!”
That's great. You know what? There are more than five and a half million people in Atlanta- most of them not from cold weather states. They might have four wheel drive vehicles. They might know the theory. But, most of them have no freaking clue how to drive in snowy and/or icy conditions! Those are the people I'm worried about being next to on the road (well, actually, about Shelby being next to on the road- she takes the Interstate to work)...

Okay, maybe Cincinnati was proved to be a pretender by Florida. Or, maybe the Gators were really pissed about losing to Alabama and took it out on the Bearcats. Either way, there are now (as of Tuesday morning) three teams with just one loss and six teams with just two losses.
Oh yeah- and there are still three undefeated teams. Come Friday morning, we'll have the supposed national champion, but there will still be a Boise State team standing- with no blemish on their record.
Some national championship. I still think they should do a "Bad News Bears" style sandlot game for bragging rights...

The Falcons managed to get a huge monkey off their back Sunday, beating Tampa Bay to wrap the season at 9-7 and securing their second consecutive winning season- something that really didn't seem possible three weeks ago, when they lost a close one to New Orleans.
Still- I see the season overall as a loss. This team (on paper) was talented enough to make the playoffs (and yes, I was on the bandwagon believing a Super Bowl run was likely) but lacked- I don't know- the heart?
The last couple of games seemed to provide some answers in the secondary, but the team still needs a pass rush on the defensive side of the ball, and a healthy Michael Turner in the backfield- not to mention some steel-toed cleats for Matt Ryan (or something to protect him from turf toe)...

I think I watched at least 20 hours of the 46 hours of the SyFy channel's "Twilight Zone" marathon on New Year's Eve/Day and weekend. What a great show- and sad commentary on the "fare" offered on the other 200 channels that a 50 year old anthology series is better than most of the shite they foist on us...

At my day job, we were shut down the week after Christmas in a money-saving move. No big deal, really (except not getting paid, except for the holiday) sucked.
What sucked more, though, was that I'd already taken the week of Christmas off so I could come to Savannah to see family and friends for the holiday- meaning I'd be off work for two weeks.
Now, I know you're probably thinking "Rob, you're an idiot- being off work for two weeks doesn't suck, it rules." Well, you're almost right, but here's the thing.
I have a bad habit of just sitting on my ever-expanding rear and doing nothing, when the opportunity arises. And two weeks away from work raises plenty of said opportunity (like watching 20 hours worth of "Twilight Zone", along with "The Blues Brothers" and "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" during Encore's 80s movie marathon New Year's week, and I don't know how many bowl games I surfed through).
I pretty much accomplished nothing (although I did, at least, take down the Christmas tree and decorations from the inside of the house. The lights on the house outside will have to wait- didn't you catch the first paragraph? The Weather Channel says it's cold. Shelby says I can leave them up all year, for all she cares, but I just can't bring myself to be quite that lazy. Besides, getting the ladder out to take down the lights also means that- while I'm right there- I can clean the gutters, too- something I'm not as diligent about as I should be...

So, one of the bowl games I caught part of was the Outback between Northwestern and Auburn. It wasn't a bad game, really- but I had to wonder what the refs were thinking, calling a roughing the kicker penalty on Auburn late in the game.
I mean, I know the kicker is vulnerable with his leg out in the air like that, but the guy who got flagged had slid about three yards on the ground before he hit the punter's planting foot. Give me a break...

You know, I'm sure some people will take offense, but I know I'm not the only person who thinks it's pretty typical of the type of guy that plays in the NBA that Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittendon pulled guns on each other in the locker room. Loaded or not.
And Arenas' explanation that it was just a joke gone awry? Well, it doesn't speak highly of his intelligence- but volumes on his lack thereof. And even more so on the fans that actually buy that pant-load of- well, you know...

I did have karaoke gigs the two Saturday nights of those weeks. Boxing Day, there were all of- let's see- maybe six people in the place. By around 11:30 or so- the bartender, waitress and I were sitting down in front of the fireplace just shooting the breeze because we were the only ones in the building besides the cook, who- I'm sure- was cleaning the kitchen and hoping no one else came in before 1:00.
There were a few people there when I got there. They were joined, after a bit, by this weird, Ted Kaczynski looking guy who I'd seen in the place a couple of times.
Ted was obviously already soused (or high) when he came in and Jason- the bartender- refused to serve him. This caused Ted no end of irritation. After Ted buzzed around the bar, annoying the few paying customers who decided to come out- Jason was forced to call the police.
Now, the police station here in Norcross is in City Hall- which is across the parking lot from the bar (kind of like if the bar was the US Custom's House on Bay Street and City Hall still housed the police department in Savannah). Ted decided- as Jason was on the phone with the police, that he'd walk over to the police department and somehow prove to them he wasn't drunk- and therefore get Jason to serve him. (Anyone seeing the flaw in this plan?)
So, two minutes later, as the two Norcross officers are talking to Jason about Ted (and Bobbi- the waitress- and I are sitting by the fire, listening), the officers' radios broadcast a call from dispatch for them to come back to the station, as an apparently inebriated, possibly homeless (I forgot the part where Ted looks like a homeless guy) man is pounding on the doors of the police station, demanding a breathalyzer test. Awesome...

It was cool that it was a close game and all, but- seriously- FSU playing on New Year's Day? Remember when a New Year's Day bowl game was a reward for an outstanding season?
There's just no way a six loss team should be playing on the first. No way. I don't care if it was Bobby Bowden's last game...

And while we're at it- I'm pretty sure I mentioned it last year, but Fox only covers college football during bowls- except on their regional sports channels. The regional coverage isn't bad. But it's nothing special, either.
"Big" Fox, though? Well, it's just terrible. Much like they've done to the Super Bowl, World Series, and every other supposedly big sporting event they cover, they've managed to turn their bowl coverage into one ginormous pageant of fuckery, rife with overlong pre-game "festivities" and in-game assholishness spewing from the announcers' faceholes.
And, speaking of announcers, they dug up Pat Summerall from whatever crypt they were keeping him in to call the Cotton Bowl (remember when that was a semi-important bowl game?). He's not a blast from the past- but he's definitely a moldy oldie...

Okay, another commercial that just irritates the bejeebers out of me is the catheter commercial. You know the one I mean? Some woman with one of those annoying, Suutherrrrn ax-scennnnces, telling us how emmmmbarrassed she wussss, having to reuse caaaaatheterssss?
Seriously, she's embarrassed about having to reuse catheters, or call a company to order new ones, but she's okay going before the cameras to tell us about recurring urinary tract infections? Am I missing something? How is that less embarassing?
One commercial that just makes me laugh, though, is the Ally Bank commercial with the two little girls and the stuffy, banker type.
Banker type asks the one girl if she'd like a pony. She does. He gives her a plastic one.
He asks the other little girl. She does, too. He clicks his tongue, calling a pony out from behind a wall.
The look on the first little girl's face when she says "you didn't say I could have a real one" and he answers "well, you didn't ask" just kills me. She looks like she's ready to rip off her head with her bare hands and use it as a soccer ball..

After the Falcons' game ended Sunday, Fox veiwers here in Atlanta were "treated" to "Bonus Coverage" of the Bears-Lions game. To me, that isn't a bonus- it's more like punishment...

If you're in the Norcross area, come out for Karaoke on Saturday the 16th. Look here for more details.

That's it for now. More soon. This time, I mean it, damnit!

Print Edition for 09/25/09

Before I get started, I know I said months ago that I'd update. I lied. I got busy. But, this is free- so...

I hate it when my sneaking suspicions are right on the money- particularly when said suspicion involves Tech playing like a powder puff team. Don't let the score fool you, Miami dominated. 'Nuff said.

This week, the Yellow Jackets return to Saturday play when they host the 22nd ranked Tar Heels. Game time is noon...

By the way, I can see the Jackets dropping some points in the polls, but how in the world does Miami jump up 10 spots by beating them- but Tech drops out of the polls completely with the loss? Makes no sense at all.

Something else in the poll that made no sense- why didn't Florida lose some more first place votes? I mean, Tennessee isn't a good team, and the Gators only managed to win by 10.

And BYU? Dropping only 12 places after losing to a previously unranked FSU team? An FSU team that barely managed to beat Jacksonville State? And USC only drops nine places? After losing to Washington? Come on! I want to be a voter- I can come up with retard rankings just as easily as those guys seem to...

I'm okay with the rain that we've been having lately (something like every day for the past six days or so), but I really need to cut the grass some time soon. I thought I was going to get out Sunday to do it, but every time I thought I saw a window of opportunity, it would either start raining again or there'd be thunderclaps. I'm going to cross my fingers and shoot for Monday afternoon when I get home from work...

I'm watching the Panthers-Falcons game while I'm working on some of this week's silliness and I have to wonder if the Falcons don't need... I don't know... something? They're moving the ball well, but they don't seem to be able to finish off the drives. I hope they'll get over this quick...

And, since I'm watching while writing- why doesn't the stupid rule about the ball having to be in the receiver's control through the end of the play not apply on touchdowns? The refs should never had called this fourth quarter hogwash a catch- much less a touchdown. The guy was clearly juggling the ball as he went down. What a BS call- the refs could've at least given the Falcons a kiss.

Then again, the Falcons shouldn't have been in that position to start with. The defense looks pretty shaky to me- and Carolina's driving for what could be a game-tying score...

You know, another one in the long line of commercials that annoy me is the new Pizza Hut one featuring Jim Bruer. When I see him, I certainly do think of a compound word that starts with "jack," but the second word isn't "pot"- though it is three letters...

Speaking of that- will people shut up about Kanye West already? Until a week ago, I didn't even know who the guy was. I still don't- and I don't care who he is.

I also don't care that he thought one trampy chick's video was better than the other trampy chick's video (I don't know- or care- who they are, either). I mean, does MTV even show videos any more? Why would they even bother having a Video Music Awards show? (Not that I really care- I don't know who most "popular" artists are anymore.)

And then, we're subjected to day's worth of coverage about how the president called the guy a jackass. Seriously? An offhand remark is worth that much coverage?

I mean- who cares about our ongoing national concerns like the wars we're fighting, the health care debate, high unemployment figures or our shaky national economy- the president called someone a jackass! Stop the presses! This is big news!

As I predicted- UGA was lucky to escape Fayetteville with a win. I just wish they'd beaten the Bobby Petrino coached Razorbacks by a wider margin. Still, it's another case of "a win is a win."

Of course, if your defense gives up 41 points to Arkansas, just think about what a good offensive team is going to do to them.

This week, the Bulldogs return to Athens to play host to the Sun Devils of Arizona State. Game time is 7:00...

Quarterback Joe Cox was named SEC Offensive Player of the Week and Walter Camp Football Foundation National Offensive Player of the Week after his performance against the Razorbacks. Cox completed 18 of 25 passes 375 yards and school record tying five TD passes...

Lansdale, Pennsylvania mayor Andy Szekely says he and opponent Ben Gross were trying to "increase public interest in their mayoral race" when they donned inflatable suits and had a sumo wrestling match. The challenger won the match, which was held in one of the city's parks.

The event also had an under card of candidates for the town's council wrestling, as well.

And you thought it was just our national elections that were a joke...

Shelby and I watched "Taken" last week. Pretty good flick- and fun to watch Jedi Master Qui-Gon beat the bejeebers out of all those guys.

Seriously, though, it's a pretty good movie, full of enough action to keep people with short attention spans interested- and done smartly enough for the rest of us to enjoy, too...

From the mailbag, Mike's mom clarified her comments regarding my "sounding like Andy Rooney."

According to Mike, Janet says when I speak I sound "like Dick Cheney" but my writing "sounds like Andy Rooney." She added "by the way, I LOVE ANDY ROONEY!!!" So, I guess that means it's praise.

She also mentioned that when she watches "the Yankees play, Derek Jeter never seems to hit the ball, but now he has beat somebody for hits...go figure!!"

To that, I'll just leave it at I feel sorry for her having to watch the Yankees...

Also in the inbox was Sean's note saying he think's I'd "be a good Andy Rooney replacement. The 'F' bombs would make it even better."

Thanks Sean, but I don't think CBS' Sunday lineup would survive me as a lead-in.

And, somehow these Andy Rooney comparisons seem like an insult. I'm not a crotchety old man. Really. I swear...

Mike also offered this assessment of the Lions: "Nobody is mentioning that Matt Stafford probably got the QB job in Detroit because Daunte Culpepper stubbed his toe on a rug in his house and sliced himself open so bad it required 6 stitches, which in turn, put Culpepper out of action for a while. Only a Detroit Lion... Anyway, if I had the unenviable task of coaching Detroit, I wouldn't want my starting QB to be a guy who injures himself just by walking through his own house!"

By the way, it's Monday evening and the grass still isn't cut. In case you missed the news, it has rained a lot in Atlanta over the past week. This afternoon, I drove Shelby to work. It's something like 12 miles from the house to the hospital. It took an hour and five minutes. Normally, that's a 20-35 minute drive.

Traffic was backed up everywhere. This morning, when I was listening to the news at work around 7:45- and wondering where my coworkers were- reporters were talking about closures on pretty much every interstate around town. It wasn't quite that bad getting her to work. Not quite.

It took me another hour to get home. The only pressing issue getting back was that I really needed to use the bathroom. Anyway, it never fails to amaze me just how many idiots drive in bad weather with no lights on, jabbering away on the phone, or texting- or just generally not paying one danged bit of attention to conditions. Let's all repeat this until it's second nature, shall we: If you turn on your wipers, you turn on your lights.

I looked and looked, and can't find exactly how much rain we've gotten here in Norcross- but I do know the little drainage ditch down the road looked like a whitewater river, and pretty much every body of water in the 16 county metro area passed its flood level around 4:00 this morning. Crazy. And there's supposed to be more rain tonight.

I'd better make sure I've got some swim fins around here somewhere...

A Bakersfield, California attorney kept delivering his closing arguments, despite the chest pains he'd been having all morning as a result of the heart attack he was suffering.

The man told doctors he woke up with chest pains around 5 a.m. one morning, but ignored them and went to the courthouse to deliver his closing arguments. He had a secretary take him to a hospital afterwards- where doctors put a stent in to repair the damage.

Insert your own joke about lawyers being heartless here...

I often don't pay much attention to the news. It's just usually too depressing or too filled with car wrecks (oh yeah, TV news here is just like the news in Savannah) so it was up to Shelby to tell me about the schizophrenic murderer in Washington who escaped captivity after the staff of the mental institution where he was incarcerated decided it would be a good idea to take him on an outing to the county fair!

The man gave up without incident after being on the loose for over three days.

Seriously, though- they took the guy on an outing? Should a guy like that even get an outing? So they gave him a shot that maintains his "mental stability" for two weeks before another injection is needed- big deal. How about give him the shot in prison and let him have his mental stability there?

It's a good thing stupidity isn't illegal, or the people in charge of this outing would be looking at some hard time...

And finally, happy birthday Flint...

That'll do it for this week. I'll be back next time with more news, notes, and rumors from all around. And maybe even some sports, too.