After what I personally thought was a protracted period of silence, Conan O'Brien issued this statement:
People of Earth:
In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky. That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.
Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.
But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.
Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.
So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.
There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.
Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.
Yours,
Conan
Isn't it just awesome, telling someone to get bent so eloquently? I don't know about that whole "greatest franchise" bit, though. Hasn't "60 Minutes" been around for 700 years, or does Andy Rooney's presence just make it seem like they have?
I think NBC has screw themselves with this move. Or, was Leno that much of a ratings monster? I never understood his appeal myself. O'Brien was always more my speed, humor-wise, but I was rarely awake for his show. Even now- when it comes on at 11:30.
And besides, the best host in late night is Craig Ferguson. He fucking rocks. Of course, I'm old- and usually never awake that late.
Hey- wait! We have a DVR! Hells yeah!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Expounded print edition for 01/15/10
I was just surfing the web (which, to me, counts as “research” for BeanSpouts) and on Yahoo's home page is the headline: “Breaking News: Mark McGwire admits to using steroids.”
Seriously- that's the best they can do for news? I mean, is that even news? I guess maybe it's news that he finally admitted he used- but that's about it.
Then again, if you were surprised he used, then you've obviously had your head under a rock-0 or maybe living on freaking Mars. I suppose you'll be surprised when Barroid admits it, too. Oh- wait. That's right- he'll never admit it- and his head will remain firmly ensconced up his ass...
I see where NBC says their affiliates are “pleased” that the network decided to move “The Jay Leno Show” from its 10 time slot to “The Tonight Show's” 11:35 start time- moving Conan O'Brien to a 12:05 start.
I haven't seen the show, so I couldn't really comment on the actual amount of suck it produced- only speculate. I have to imagine, though, that O'Brien can't be particularly pleased with the move- although I haven't heard of any grumbling from his camp.
And really, isn't anything that makes it harder for us to unwittingly stumble across Jimmy Fallon on “The Late Show” worth it? That'd be a big, old YES...
So, they played the supposed national championship game and the Tide rolled. I still say we need a playoff- 'cause there's still another undefeated team left...
Speaking of college games- what can I say about Tech besides “Shit!Hell!Damn!Crap!Ass!”? Well, not much. Stupid bugs...
I caught a story about a Tennessee man who claims to have broken the Guinness World Record for playing "Grand Theft Auto IV" while he was raising money for the swimming team he coaches.
The 19 year old played the game for some 55 hours- well past the “record” of 40 hours, 20 minutes set by a man from India (who we can probably safely assume lives in his parents' basement, or whatever the Indian equivalent of that is).
The arcade where he had his “marathon” donated a portion of its profits during the record attempt.
C'mon- this is a real record? And he's proud of it? I mean, I know there's something stupid shit in Guinness' book, but this, well- guess I'm just getting old...
Oh yeah- one other BCS tidbit: the SEC is 14-5 in BCS games (far and away the best record), undefeated in "championship" games (6-0) and has won four straight championships.
So, why aren't the other leagues scrambling to come up with some kind of playoff system to try to level the field?
In fact, I know I'm getting old. It's Monday as I write this, and the high today hit 41. I think. That's the warmest it's been since New Year's Eve. And I ache.
We had some very light snow last Thursday night, but nothing particularly impressive. It was still on the ground in places this afternoon when I came home, though- that's how freaking cold it is here!
Friday morning at work, there were all of four of us there (out of 15), and I asked one of the guys to open up the paint shop for me so I could grab some materials that I needed (not knowing who'd actually show that day- since it was something like 8:30 and we were the only ones there- and work's supposed to start at 7:30. Evidently, everyone else was iced in, or some other such horse shit- one bad thing about living less than two miles from work, I guess).
Anyway, we were pushing this big rack of painted plastic across the parking lot and got to the little hill going up into the shop where I do most of my work. Doug said “on three: one, two, three” and I planted my foot to push. Can you guess what happened?
Yep. Bam! Down on both knees. It felt kind of like when you hit your funny bone- if your funny bony was in your knee and you hit it really fucking hard. And in both knees. At the same time.
Then, my supervisor (when he finally showed up an hour later) has a conniption fit when I tell him about, saying “well, why were you walking across the parking lot? Didn't you know there was ice?”
Well, the answer was “no."
“It was under the snow that I'd already walked across with no problem,” I said. “Besides, I didn't know if anyone else was going to bother showing up for work, and I wanted to make sure (the plastic) didn't sit there another day without me being able to work on it.”
Seriously, I was getting grief from a guy who goes out to the perpetual mud puddle in the parking lot when it's cold so he can test whether or not the ice in it is strong enough to hold him up...
Back before the football season started, I made some predictions regarding who'd make the playoffs. I was right on exactly three of those picks- all in the AFC: the Colts, Chargers and wild-card Ravens. I mean, I can take being wrong, but I can't believe every single one of my NFC picks were wrong!
Shelby had much better luck- she made two picks (the Eagles and Jets), and one of them is still playing...
Still, going three out of nine steadily makes you millions in the major leagues...
I can't believe that the Green Bay-Arizona game was the most exciting one this weekend. Even more so, I can't believe the Cardinals' luck (and that's all it is- the fuckers). Of course, I also thought the Packers had a defense. Evidently, I was wrong...
Okay, time for another round of annoying commercials: There's a “new” Geico commercial, retreading the “so easy a caveman can do it” shtick. That was old five years ago, or whenever it was the first time they ran. Instead, the “new” commercial is just as retarded as the other ones are (some of the Geico gecko commercials are okay, though).
Then, there's the DirecTV ads with James Lipton. Seriously, I can't be the only person who sees these and wants to crawl inside the TV and punch him in the head, can I? I mean, I appreciate the fact that he can make fun of himself, but. He's. Just. So. Fucking. Annoying. He's like in Alex Trebek territory on the pompous jerk-o-meter. It's sad, because a lot of the other DirecTV celebrity spots were pretty funny (the with Little Richard never failed to make me laugh).
And then there's the “Pepto” lady commercials- or whatever that one is where the women in the airport wanna “share” their colon health reports. Ew. Shut up, ya bitch.
I do like the Allstate commercials, though. I'd buy insurance from President Palmer or Pedro Cerrano. If I didn't have pretty good insurance already...
Shelby's determined she's going to take the day off to make sure she catches all the coverage should her Jets make the Super Bowl. I got no better pick for the AFC, so why not?
In the NFC- I just don't know. I mean, the Cardinals keep getting so lucky, it's hard to pick against them. Kurt Warner, however, makes it easy. He's another one of those people that I just want to punch in the mouth on principle.
How about a Jets...wow. I just realized that there's not one team in the NFC I want to pick. I don't like any of them...
Seriously- that's the best they can do for news? I mean, is that even news? I guess maybe it's news that he finally admitted he used- but that's about it.
Then again, if you were surprised he used, then you've obviously had your head under a rock-0 or maybe living on freaking Mars. I suppose you'll be surprised when Barroid admits it, too. Oh- wait. That's right- he'll never admit it- and his head will remain firmly ensconced up his ass...
I see where NBC says their affiliates are “pleased” that the network decided to move “The Jay Leno Show” from its 10 time slot to “The Tonight Show's” 11:35 start time- moving Conan O'Brien to a 12:05 start.
I haven't seen the show, so I couldn't really comment on the actual amount of suck it produced- only speculate. I have to imagine, though, that O'Brien can't be particularly pleased with the move- although I haven't heard of any grumbling from his camp.
And really, isn't anything that makes it harder for us to unwittingly stumble across Jimmy Fallon on “The Late Show” worth it? That'd be a big, old YES...
So, they played the supposed national championship game and the Tide rolled. I still say we need a playoff- 'cause there's still another undefeated team left...
Speaking of college games- what can I say about Tech besides “Shit!Hell!Damn!Crap!Ass!”? Well, not much. Stupid bugs...
I caught a story about a Tennessee man who claims to have broken the Guinness World Record for playing "Grand Theft Auto IV" while he was raising money for the swimming team he coaches.
The 19 year old played the game for some 55 hours- well past the “record” of 40 hours, 20 minutes set by a man from India (who we can probably safely assume lives in his parents' basement, or whatever the Indian equivalent of that is).
The arcade where he had his “marathon” donated a portion of its profits during the record attempt.
C'mon- this is a real record? And he's proud of it? I mean, I know there's something stupid shit in Guinness' book, but this, well- guess I'm just getting old...
Oh yeah- one other BCS tidbit: the SEC is 14-5 in BCS games (far and away the best record), undefeated in "championship" games (6-0) and has won four straight championships.
So, why aren't the other leagues scrambling to come up with some kind of playoff system to try to level the field?
In fact, I know I'm getting old. It's Monday as I write this, and the high today hit 41. I think. That's the warmest it's been since New Year's Eve. And I ache.
We had some very light snow last Thursday night, but nothing particularly impressive. It was still on the ground in places this afternoon when I came home, though- that's how freaking cold it is here!
Friday morning at work, there were all of four of us there (out of 15), and I asked one of the guys to open up the paint shop for me so I could grab some materials that I needed (not knowing who'd actually show that day- since it was something like 8:30 and we were the only ones there- and work's supposed to start at 7:30. Evidently, everyone else was iced in, or some other such horse shit- one bad thing about living less than two miles from work, I guess).
Anyway, we were pushing this big rack of painted plastic across the parking lot and got to the little hill going up into the shop where I do most of my work. Doug said “on three: one, two, three” and I planted my foot to push. Can you guess what happened?
Yep. Bam! Down on both knees. It felt kind of like when you hit your funny bone- if your funny bony was in your knee and you hit it really fucking hard. And in both knees. At the same time.
Then, my supervisor (when he finally showed up an hour later) has a conniption fit when I tell him about, saying “well, why were you walking across the parking lot? Didn't you know there was ice?”
Well, the answer was “no."
“It was under the snow that I'd already walked across with no problem,” I said. “Besides, I didn't know if anyone else was going to bother showing up for work, and I wanted to make sure (the plastic) didn't sit there another day without me being able to work on it.”
Seriously, I was getting grief from a guy who goes out to the perpetual mud puddle in the parking lot when it's cold so he can test whether or not the ice in it is strong enough to hold him up...
Back before the football season started, I made some predictions regarding who'd make the playoffs. I was right on exactly three of those picks- all in the AFC: the Colts, Chargers and wild-card Ravens. I mean, I can take being wrong, but I can't believe every single one of my NFC picks were wrong!
Shelby had much better luck- she made two picks (the Eagles and Jets), and one of them is still playing...
Still, going three out of nine steadily makes you millions in the major leagues...
I can't believe that the Green Bay-Arizona game was the most exciting one this weekend. Even more so, I can't believe the Cardinals' luck (and that's all it is- the fuckers). Of course, I also thought the Packers had a defense. Evidently, I was wrong...
Okay, time for another round of annoying commercials: There's a “new” Geico commercial, retreading the “so easy a caveman can do it” shtick. That was old five years ago, or whenever it was the first time they ran. Instead, the “new” commercial is just as retarded as the other ones are (some of the Geico gecko commercials are okay, though).
Then, there's the DirecTV ads with James Lipton. Seriously, I can't be the only person who sees these and wants to crawl inside the TV and punch him in the head, can I? I mean, I appreciate the fact that he can make fun of himself, but. He's. Just. So. Fucking. Annoying. He's like in Alex Trebek territory on the pompous jerk-o-meter. It's sad, because a lot of the other DirecTV celebrity spots were pretty funny (the with Little Richard never failed to make me laugh).
And then there's the “Pepto” lady commercials- or whatever that one is where the women in the airport wanna “share” their colon health reports. Ew. Shut up, ya bitch.
I do like the Allstate commercials, though. I'd buy insurance from President Palmer or Pedro Cerrano. If I didn't have pretty good insurance already...
Shelby's determined she's going to take the day off to make sure she catches all the coverage should her Jets make the Super Bowl. I got no better pick for the AFC, so why not?
In the NFC- I just don't know. I mean, the Cardinals keep getting so lucky, it's hard to pick against them. Kurt Warner, however, makes it easy. He's another one of those people that I just want to punch in the mouth on principle.
How about a Jets...wow. I just realized that there's not one team in the NFC I want to pick. I don't like any of them...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
