So I'm slack- sue me...

This blog's free. And usually contains stuff you've already seen me bitch about via Facebook. Anyway, it's the New Year. Maybe I'll be better about posting (though I wouldn't count on it).

Bean Spouts for 01/06/12

Have you made any resolutions for 2012? I didn’t formally make any, but there’s a few things I would like to do. I’ll be keeping them to myself, though. I have some suggestions for a couple of “my” teams, of course.

First up, the Braves- who should resolve to:

- Find a right fielder who can hit. Jason Heyward finished last April with a .263 average. His hitting went down the crapper from there. With right field being one of the “power” spots, well- Heyward’s failures were amplified. For a kid who was a strong rookie of the year candidate in 2010, his sophomore slump threatened to end his stay in Atlanta.

- Stop playing down to the competition. There are some teams you absolutely have to beat, and the Braves too often fail to do so.

- Go upside the whole team’s head if they drop three in a row. Seriously, one freaking win in the last five games puts the Braves in the playoffs last year, and they drop respond by rolling over and playing dead?

- Thank the baseball gods that Derek Lowe will never get anywhere near the mound at Turner Field again- unless he’s pitching for the opposing team, in which case they should light him up light the Griswold house in “Christmas Vacation.” Fucking loser.

For the Falcons:

- Some better second stringers. Seriously, watching Tampa Bay score 24 unanswered points Sunday was ridiculous. And disheartening, because even the Giants- who the Falcons play in round one Sunday- are a better offensive team than the Buccaneers.

- Find some finishing power. Because, when you’re up 42-0 in the second quarter, the your final score needs to be in the 50s, and you should kick the shit out of the opposing team more- even if all you do is run the ball for the rest of the game.

For the NFL:

- A complete rethinking of the playoffs. An 8-8 team (I’m looking at you Denver Broncos) shouldn’t be in the playoffs- much less hosting a fucking game.

For NCAA division one football (or whatever it’s called):

- Any sort of playoff system, even a flawed one, that might more accurately determine a national champion. Even the ridiculous proposition of the “big six” conference champs thrashing it out would be better than the “system” they have now.

For the North Avenue Trade School:

- Al Groh. Fired. Immediately. Preferably after all the fans have had a chance to plant a boot in his ass.

- Passes in situations that aren’t obviously passing situations. The triple option is incredibly productive. At times. It’s also incredibly predictable. Even 25 throws a game would trip up defenses…

Shelby and I watched the Peach Bowl Saturday night and had to wonder why the refs were even issued flags. Watching Auburn block on offense, I saw more holding than a freshman mixer where the chaperones had fallen asleep and all the girls had been dosed with rohypnol. I wonder if any of the Uva players even got kissed?

New Year’s has become my least favorite time of year. Why? Because of all the “American Idol” promos Fox keeps showing…

And “Napoleon Dynamite” looks shitty, too. If I didn’t give a rat’s ass about seeing the movie- why the fuck would I want to see a cartoon based on it that’s at least five years too late to ride whatever “buzz” the movie had…

Normally, I’m sick for at least one of the “major” holidays. That holiday is (usually) Thanksgiving. This year, I managed to feel fine for Thanksgiving. And was ill for Christmas and New Year’s. Happy holidays to me…

So I saw a lot of people posting on Facebook and other sites I see during my web travels what they took to be funny tweets and such from people complaining about stuff they wanted- but didn't get- for Christmas. That sickens me. We live in one of the richest countries on the planet, in one of the most prosperous eras in human history (no matter what the recent economic climate has been) and people complain? 

If you’re one of those people who are actually stupid enough to bitch, I offer this: Fuck you.

Don't like your stuff? Give it to people who didn't get anything. If your white iPod is so fucking horrible because you specifically asked for the black one, go sell it and give the money to a war widower who couldn't afford gifts for his kids. 

Did your dumb-ass parents buy you an PS3 instead of XBox? How about donate it to a Boys & Girls club if it's that bad? I’m sure they’ll be happy, no matter the color.

Hubby only got you half carat diamond earrings instead of the five carat ones you wanted? How about ditch ‘em and send the money to Africa, where most assuredly at least one person died to provide your husband with what he surely thought was a nice gift for you, you stupid hag?

Got a used Civic instead of the new Porsche you wanted? You’re 16. You want a Porsche, get a fucking and buy your own damned car.

Mainly what I mean is, shut up you whining, spoiled, ungrateful piece of shit...

If I didn’t already find Conan O’Brien to be an unfunny sack of dicks, the four minutes of promos Peachtree TV runs during “Married With Children” would convince me…

Shelby drove to Richmond for Christmas. I flew up on Christmas Eve. On Boxing Day, we drove from Richmond to Savannah. The next day, we drove home to Norcross.

At one point, in South Carolina- near where I95 and I26 meet- there were two Barney Fife wannabe state troopers with a car parked in the road with one lane closed.

They were just standing there. Not investigating- just standing there with their thumbs up their asses, shooting the breeze. There were no skid marks. No wreckage. No other emergency vehicles. No evidence at all of anything, except these two dumbasses blocking off a lane of traffic and causing a 15 mile backup of traffic on one of the busy freaking interstates in the country.

And then, there’s the other drivers. Here’s a hint: If you’re getting passed on the right, you’re going too fucking slow. Get your dumb ass as far to the fucking right as possible- because you are not only driving too slow- you’re also a fucking idiot…

Remembering.

Bean Spouts from The Spirit of the Westside; Volume Two, Issue Number Nine, September 13, 2001

“I sit before my computer screen with a lump in my throat and tears threatening to cloud my eyes. 
I’ve spent the evening watching news reports, replays and press conferences. 
I want to turn off the TV, but I can’t. 
I’ve never been one of those people who slows to look at car wrecks, but I cannot seem to turn away from this horror. 
The images of burning buildings, of people fleeing in terror, and the crumbled ruins of lives parade across my screen. They seem surreal now, after so many hours- but they’re far too powerful to ignore. 
Stunned. Awed. Nauseated. Any of these adjectives fit me, at the moment. 
They also fit everyone I’ve spoken with on this sad, September day. 
It is a date, no doubt, that will be as significant and awful to my generation as Pearl Harbor was to the generations of my parents and grandparents. 
You didn’t have to have friends or family in New York or DC to feel the grief Tuesday- you just have to be human. 
By the time you read this, you’ll have heard... speculations, allegations, and pontificating. And, no matter what you’ve heard, there’s going to be more. 
So many conflicting reports. So many rumors. What are we to make of this? 
I’m a sports writer- and a part-time one, at that. How do I begin to comment on the savagery perpetrated against our nation? 
With care for the victims and heroes- that’s the only way I can think of. 
The who’s, how’s, and why’s were discussed late into the night... They will surely continue to be discussed for weeks, months, or- possibly- years to come, but they are of little import to the victims and their families. 
That our country perseveres, that people were saved, that our nation will endure and strengthen- these are the stories we need to focus on now. 
'No one is going to diminish the spirit of this country.'- George W. Bush 
Steve and Allison have both written in past issues about what they believe the Spirit of this paper represents. It is now, in a time of national tragedy, that the Spirit that I believe we represent is strengthened. 
I believe the Spirit is a Spirit of family, of community, of being there for your neighbor, of helping those in need, and a Spirit of faith. 
That Spirit... doesn’t end with our coverage area- it’s a Spirit that encompasses our entire country. 
To pull together on a community-wide, county-wide, state-wide, and national level to demonstrate to the people responsible for this act that we will not cower before any one, at any time, no matter what the consequence- we will show our Spirit proudly. That is the message we must send to the cowards responsible for the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. 
It’s our duty- and our privilege- to make sure that Spirit isn’t tarnished by these vulgar attacks. 
My hope is that this tragedy brings us closer together as a nation, uniting us to stand together- not just against this threat, but beyond it, as well- and that it instills the Spirit of this nation in us all...”


Bean Spouts from The Spirit of the Westside; Volume Two, Issue Number Ten, September 20, 2001


“Our country changed last Tuesday. There is no way around it.
The fanatics behind these horrible events sought to tear our nation apart. They sought to bring down our country. We may have staggered, but we have not fallen. And their plans appear to have backfired.
Despite the gut-wrenching horror played out in the northeastern part of the United States last week, there was cause for our citizenry to rejoice: so many people lining up to help in New York that they were turning people away; people lined up at Red Cross blood drives around the country were filled to capacity. 
And, everywhere you look, American flags.
This country has come together in the last week and a half in ways unheard of since World War II. Everyone you meet wants to help.
That solidarity and renewed is what will enable our country to face the difficult times ahead, and prevail in the face of evil.
If ever there was a time to put our petty jealousies and prejudices behind us, it is now.
Now is the time to get to know the kid bagging your groceries, the older lady ringing up stuff at your preferred 'Mart.' These people are members of your community and your neighbors.
Now- most of all- we are all Americans...”


September 6, 2011.
2,977, victims of terrorist attacks- killed in one horrific day ten years ago.
Remember them.
As of March 14 of this year, 5,921 American military personnel have been killed and 42,673 wounded in the ten years since that day.
Remember them, as well.
Honor them all. 
Renew the Spirit of cooperation, patriotism and solidarity that was prevalent in the days, weeks and months after that painful day. We owe them that- all of them. 
Whether it’s today, tomorrow, or 10 more years.