Print Edition for 09/25/09

Before I get started, I know I said months ago that I'd update. I lied. I got busy. But, this is free- so...

I hate it when my sneaking suspicions are right on the money- particularly when said suspicion involves Tech playing like a powder puff team. Don't let the score fool you, Miami dominated. 'Nuff said.

This week, the Yellow Jackets return to Saturday play when they host the 22nd ranked Tar Heels. Game time is noon...

By the way, I can see the Jackets dropping some points in the polls, but how in the world does Miami jump up 10 spots by beating them- but Tech drops out of the polls completely with the loss? Makes no sense at all.

Something else in the poll that made no sense- why didn't Florida lose some more first place votes? I mean, Tennessee isn't a good team, and the Gators only managed to win by 10.

And BYU? Dropping only 12 places after losing to a previously unranked FSU team? An FSU team that barely managed to beat Jacksonville State? And USC only drops nine places? After losing to Washington? Come on! I want to be a voter- I can come up with retard rankings just as easily as those guys seem to...

I'm okay with the rain that we've been having lately (something like every day for the past six days or so), but I really need to cut the grass some time soon. I thought I was going to get out Sunday to do it, but every time I thought I saw a window of opportunity, it would either start raining again or there'd be thunderclaps. I'm going to cross my fingers and shoot for Monday afternoon when I get home from work...

I'm watching the Panthers-Falcons game while I'm working on some of this week's silliness and I have to wonder if the Falcons don't need... I don't know... something? They're moving the ball well, but they don't seem to be able to finish off the drives. I hope they'll get over this quick...

And, since I'm watching while writing- why doesn't the stupid rule about the ball having to be in the receiver's control through the end of the play not apply on touchdowns? The refs should never had called this fourth quarter hogwash a catch- much less a touchdown. The guy was clearly juggling the ball as he went down. What a BS call- the refs could've at least given the Falcons a kiss.

Then again, the Falcons shouldn't have been in that position to start with. The defense looks pretty shaky to me- and Carolina's driving for what could be a game-tying score...

You know, another one in the long line of commercials that annoy me is the new Pizza Hut one featuring Jim Bruer. When I see him, I certainly do think of a compound word that starts with "jack," but the second word isn't "pot"- though it is three letters...

Speaking of that- will people shut up about Kanye West already? Until a week ago, I didn't even know who the guy was. I still don't- and I don't care who he is.

I also don't care that he thought one trampy chick's video was better than the other trampy chick's video (I don't know- or care- who they are, either). I mean, does MTV even show videos any more? Why would they even bother having a Video Music Awards show? (Not that I really care- I don't know who most "popular" artists are anymore.)

And then, we're subjected to day's worth of coverage about how the president called the guy a jackass. Seriously? An offhand remark is worth that much coverage?

I mean- who cares about our ongoing national concerns like the wars we're fighting, the health care debate, high unemployment figures or our shaky national economy- the president called someone a jackass! Stop the presses! This is big news!

As I predicted- UGA was lucky to escape Fayetteville with a win. I just wish they'd beaten the Bobby Petrino coached Razorbacks by a wider margin. Still, it's another case of "a win is a win."

Of course, if your defense gives up 41 points to Arkansas, just think about what a good offensive team is going to do to them.

This week, the Bulldogs return to Athens to play host to the Sun Devils of Arizona State. Game time is 7:00...

Quarterback Joe Cox was named SEC Offensive Player of the Week and Walter Camp Football Foundation National Offensive Player of the Week after his performance against the Razorbacks. Cox completed 18 of 25 passes 375 yards and school record tying five TD passes...

Lansdale, Pennsylvania mayor Andy Szekely says he and opponent Ben Gross were trying to "increase public interest in their mayoral race" when they donned inflatable suits and had a sumo wrestling match. The challenger won the match, which was held in one of the city's parks.

The event also had an under card of candidates for the town's council wrestling, as well.

And you thought it was just our national elections that were a joke...

Shelby and I watched "Taken" last week. Pretty good flick- and fun to watch Jedi Master Qui-Gon beat the bejeebers out of all those guys.

Seriously, though, it's a pretty good movie, full of enough action to keep people with short attention spans interested- and done smartly enough for the rest of us to enjoy, too...

From the mailbag, Mike's mom clarified her comments regarding my "sounding like Andy Rooney."

According to Mike, Janet says when I speak I sound "like Dick Cheney" but my writing "sounds like Andy Rooney." She added "by the way, I LOVE ANDY ROONEY!!!" So, I guess that means it's praise.

She also mentioned that when she watches "the Yankees play, Derek Jeter never seems to hit the ball, but now he has beat somebody for hits...go figure!!"

To that, I'll just leave it at I feel sorry for her having to watch the Yankees...

Also in the inbox was Sean's note saying he think's I'd "be a good Andy Rooney replacement. The 'F' bombs would make it even better."

Thanks Sean, but I don't think CBS' Sunday lineup would survive me as a lead-in.

And, somehow these Andy Rooney comparisons seem like an insult. I'm not a crotchety old man. Really. I swear...

Mike also offered this assessment of the Lions: "Nobody is mentioning that Matt Stafford probably got the QB job in Detroit because Daunte Culpepper stubbed his toe on a rug in his house and sliced himself open so bad it required 6 stitches, which in turn, put Culpepper out of action for a while. Only a Detroit Lion... Anyway, if I had the unenviable task of coaching Detroit, I wouldn't want my starting QB to be a guy who injures himself just by walking through his own house!"

By the way, it's Monday evening and the grass still isn't cut. In case you missed the news, it has rained a lot in Atlanta over the past week. This afternoon, I drove Shelby to work. It's something like 12 miles from the house to the hospital. It took an hour and five minutes. Normally, that's a 20-35 minute drive.

Traffic was backed up everywhere. This morning, when I was listening to the news at work around 7:45- and wondering where my coworkers were- reporters were talking about closures on pretty much every interstate around town. It wasn't quite that bad getting her to work. Not quite.

It took me another hour to get home. The only pressing issue getting back was that I really needed to use the bathroom. Anyway, it never fails to amaze me just how many idiots drive in bad weather with no lights on, jabbering away on the phone, or texting- or just generally not paying one danged bit of attention to conditions. Let's all repeat this until it's second nature, shall we: If you turn on your wipers, you turn on your lights.

I looked and looked, and can't find exactly how much rain we've gotten here in Norcross- but I do know the little drainage ditch down the road looked like a whitewater river, and pretty much every body of water in the 16 county metro area passed its flood level around 4:00 this morning. Crazy. And there's supposed to be more rain tonight.

I'd better make sure I've got some swim fins around here somewhere...

A Bakersfield, California attorney kept delivering his closing arguments, despite the chest pains he'd been having all morning as a result of the heart attack he was suffering.

The man told doctors he woke up with chest pains around 5 a.m. one morning, but ignored them and went to the courthouse to deliver his closing arguments. He had a secretary take him to a hospital afterwards- where doctors put a stent in to repair the damage.

Insert your own joke about lawyers being heartless here...

I often don't pay much attention to the news. It's just usually too depressing or too filled with car wrecks (oh yeah, TV news here is just like the news in Savannah) so it was up to Shelby to tell me about the schizophrenic murderer in Washington who escaped captivity after the staff of the mental institution where he was incarcerated decided it would be a good idea to take him on an outing to the county fair!

The man gave up without incident after being on the loose for over three days.

Seriously, though- they took the guy on an outing? Should a guy like that even get an outing? So they gave him a shot that maintains his "mental stability" for two weeks before another injection is needed- big deal. How about give him the shot in prison and let him have his mental stability there?

It's a good thing stupidity isn't illegal, or the people in charge of this outing would be looking at some hard time...

And finally, happy birthday Flint...

That'll do it for this week. I'll be back next time with more news, notes, and rumors from all around. And maybe even some sports, too.

Bean Spouts for the week of 03/13/09

Now, I know it’s stupid that I was watching TV at 5:45 Saturday morning while on vacation, but I was really enjoying ESPN’s coverage of the World Baseball Classic game from the Tokyo Dome. (I also watched Sunday morning’s game).
The first round of the tournament was wrapping up Monday, while the second round begins this weekend…

Speaking of the WBC, oft-injured Braves’ third baseman Chipper Jones was forced to leave Sunday night’s game against Venezuela in the sixth inning after straining his oblique muscle. Team USA manager Davey Johnson said in a news conference he didn’t think Jones would be available for any of the rest of the tournament.
I’m all for the whole “World Cup” aspect of the WBC, but do these guys ever stop think to about what they do to their employers? What position they put them in?
Sure, it’s an honor to play for your country and all that, but Chipper Jones is about as sturdy as an umbrella made of toilet paper. That he’d play for the US team- or that the Braves would let him, knowing his history of injury- is just amazing to me…

New outfielder Garret Anderson is temporarily on the shelf, too- and says he doesn't know when he might be back in the Braves' lineup. Anderson strained his right calf muscle jogging before Friday night's game against the Astros. The team figures he’ll miss at least 10 days…

So, yeah, I actually had a vacation last weekend. Shelby and I went to Ellijay Thursday after work to enjoy some mountain air and let me just say- I love my GPS.
It’s a bit of a drive- about an hour and a half from Shelby’s (and, for once, I managed not to lead-foot it the entire drive)- but you’re going into the mountains and there’s at least pretty scenery (unlike I-16, which I have declared the single most boring boulevard anywhere). Our second cabin rental was definitely an improvement over the first (where the hot tub and fireplace both were non-functioning).
See, the first thing I did when Shelby and I got there Thursday was make sure the fireplace worked. And the hot tub (Shelby promised impending homicide should the hot tub not be operable- "I'll fucking kill someone" is what I seem to recall her saying). In fact, everything was in good working order.
After we checked out the cabin, we turned around and headed back out (‘cause, you know, there’s always something you forget) to get a few groceries.
Interesting fact #1 about Ellijay: there is no Kroger. There were plenty of them twenty-some-odd miles back towards Atlanta, but our choices were Ingles, Food Lion and Piggly Wiggly. We decided on Piggly Wiggly, since it was close to the place we were staying, and close to the restaurant we’d chosen for dinner.
Interesting fact B) about Ellijay: there are a LOT of mountain folk there, and it’s not even really in the mountains. They’re more like hills. That doesn’t change the fact that I had no problem imagining quite a few of the people we saw in the grocery store celebrating nuptials with their siblings. 'Cause, by mountain folk, I mean there were some scary looking, inbred mofos.
I have to say, though, I was impressed with the prices at Piggly Wiggly- and the quality. Especially their “house brand” potato chips and Caesar salad dressing. Both were .99- and both tasted quite good (Shelby said we'd be stocking up on the dressing our next trip to Savannah). After loading up with the stuff we wanted, we went to grab some take out from a place called Jolly Roger Seafood.
My hopes weren’t high- the place shares its parking lot with a gas station, and appeared to seat about ten. I was impressed when we went in, though. No fish smell, and good looking cuts of seafood on ice at the counter. Shelby and I decided on take out: We were on vacation, we wanted drinks, and this place didn’t have any (in fact, the other restaurant we went to, The River Street Grille, didn't serve booze, either. We were all wondering 'what the hell?'
Interesting fact #3 about Ellijay: the old people there are creepy. Another factor in our decision to get take out from Jolly Roger was the two glowering codgers sitting across from us. The woman had a look on her face like she was all set to pull a hunting knife out of her pocket and chop off her companion’s ears if he didn’t pass the salt fast enough. That was also the only thing I heard either of them say in the entire 15 minutes we were there ("pass the salt [motherfucker was implied, though not spoken]", not the “I‘ll cut your ears off part“- she just had that look, you know?).
We went back to the cabin and ate dinner on the deck, looking down onto the Coosawattee River. It was very peaceful, and- despite my initial doubts- Jolly Roger cooks a fine piece of mountain trout.
After eating, I decided to walk down to the river. After all, one of the selling points of the cabin was the river access and being able to “Enjoy a riverside fire down below in the fire ring roasting marshmallows or looking up at the stars.” The path to the river was steep. I worried the entire way down that I was going to slip and go tumbling down the hill like Jack, except there wouldn’t be a nursery rhyme ending, and I’d be screaming profanities the entire way- at least until I came to a stop, at which point I’d probably be dead. After getting some pictures along the river, I made my way back up- at which point I still thought I might die, because my heart was trying to pound it's way out of my sternum, and my legs were calling me three shades of a sonofabitch for taking on the climb.
Interesting fact D) about Ellijay: You need to be part mountain goat and part owl to navigate the path down to the river at night. Actually, that’s more about the property we rented, but you get the idea.
And that was our Thursday. Friday, I got up around 5:15 or so and watched some TV (Shelby is not an early riser) until grabbing my camera and tripod and heading outside. I managed to get some pretty decent shots of the stars, even to the point of capturing some of their “movement” across the sky. (Sooner or later, I’ll get them posted on Flickr.) Once my toes got cold, I went back in and watched some more TV and waited for Shelby to get up.
We went out riding through the community (they call it a resort, but whatever) and looked at the houses, riverfront, Canadian geese, deer running through people’s yards, the Elefant got chased by a dog, then a cat and- by that time- Sandi called to say they were nearby and that the directions were terrible.
Interesting fact #5 about Ellijay: People in Ellijay evidently give directions along the lines of “turn left at Bubba’s house”- even if you have no clue who the fuck Bubba is and are using a Swahili to English dictionary to ask them.
It was evidently a good thing I used the GPS to get us to the cabin where we were staying, because Sandi said they went about 15 miles out of the way following the directions the rental agent of the place had provided.
Eventually, they made it. We spent the rest of the day hanging out, grilling and consuming obscene quantities of adult beverages. At the cabin, though.
Interesting fact F) about Ellijay: No WAY you should risk a DUI there, because (where we were staying, anyway) running off the road would give you an equal chance in either death or citation. Seriously- they’ve never heard of guardrails. And it seemed every road had an "oh holy shit" drop off just beyond the pavement.
Sandi and Jim rappelled down the hillside to check out the creek and came back up as the steaks were coming off the grill. They’d seen bones in the river. The better part of a skeleton, actually. Both of them were convinced it had come from a child.
I’ll pick up the rest of the story next week…
Back when Bean Spouts started, it was mostly about sports. It has (quite obviously) gotten away from that original format, though I do still run in the sports section.
No one has demanded that I go back to the original sports format (as far as I know, anyway), so I’m thinking a name change might be in order. I’m just not sure what to call it. I mean, it will still be Bean Spouts, but anyone have any suggestions about what the “tag line” should be?
Please keep it clean. And not a ridiculously drawn out descriptor (that’s why I’m asking for help instead of coming up with one that would be of novella length and not leave much room for the column). Capisce? (Sandi’s immediate suggestion is the “‘Reminiscent Ramblings of Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine’” but she thinks there may be copyright issues.)