Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Expounded print edition for 01/15/10

I was just surfing the web (which, to me, counts as “research” for BeanSpouts) and on Yahoo's home page is the headline: “Breaking News: Mark McGwire admits to using steroids.”
Seriously- that's the best they can do for news? I mean, is that even news? I guess maybe it's news that he finally admitted he used- but that's about it.
Then again, if you were surprised he used, then you've obviously had your head under a rock-0 or maybe living on freaking Mars. I suppose you'll be surprised when Barroid admits it, too. Oh- wait. That's right- he'll never admit it- and his head will remain firmly ensconced up his ass...

I see where NBC says their affiliates are “pleased” that the network decided to move “The Jay Leno Show” from its 10 time slot to “The Tonight Show's” 11:35 start time- moving Conan O'Brien to a 12:05 start.
I haven't seen the show, so I couldn't really comment on the actual amount of suck it produced- only speculate. I have to imagine, though, that O'Brien can't be particularly pleased with the move- although I haven't heard of any grumbling from his camp.
And really, isn't anything that makes it harder for us to unwittingly stumble across Jimmy Fallon on “The Late Show” worth it? That'd be a big, old YES...

So, they played the supposed national championship game and the Tide rolled. I still say we need a playoff- 'cause there's still another undefeated team left...

Speaking of college games- what can I say about Tech besides “Shit!Hell!Damn!Crap!Ass!”? Well, not much. Stupid bugs...

I caught a story about a Tennessee man who claims to have broken the Guinness World Record for playing "Grand Theft Auto IV" while he was raising money for the swimming team he coaches.
The 19 year old played the game for some 55 hours- well past the “record” of 40 hours, 20 minutes set by a man from India (who we can probably safely assume lives in his parents' basement, or whatever the Indian equivalent of that is).
The arcade where he had his “marathon” donated a portion of its profits during the record attempt.
C'mon- this is a real record? And he's proud of it? I mean, I know there's something stupid shit in Guinness' book, but this, well- guess I'm just getting old...

Oh yeah- one other BCS tidbit: the SEC is 14-5 in BCS games (far and away the best record), undefeated in "championship" games (6-0) and has won four straight championships.
So, why aren't the other leagues scrambling to come up with some kind of playoff system to try to level the field?

In fact, I know I'm getting old. It's Monday as I write this, and the high today hit 41. I think. That's the warmest it's been since New Year's Eve. And I ache.
We had some very light snow last Thursday night, but nothing particularly impressive. It was still on the ground in places this afternoon when I came home, though- that's how freaking cold it is here!
Friday morning at work, there were all of four of us there (out of 15), and I asked one of the guys to open up the paint shop for me so I could grab some materials that I needed (not knowing who'd actually show that day- since it was something like 8:30 and we were the only ones there- and work's supposed to start at 7:30. Evidently, everyone else was iced in, or some other such horse shit- one bad thing about living less than two miles from work, I guess).
Anyway, we were pushing this big rack of painted plastic across the parking lot and got to the little hill going up into the shop where I do most of my work. Doug said “on three: one, two, three” and I planted my foot to push. Can you guess what happened?
Yep. Bam! Down on both knees. It felt kind of like when you hit your funny bone- if your funny bony was in your knee and you hit it really fucking hard. And in both knees. At the same time.
Then, my supervisor (when he finally showed up an hour later) has a conniption fit when I tell him about, saying “well, why were you walking across the parking lot? Didn't you know there was ice?”
Well, the answer was “no."
“It was under the snow that I'd already walked across with no problem,” I said. “Besides, I didn't know if anyone else was going to bother showing up for work, and I wanted to make sure (the plastic) didn't sit there another day without me being able to work on it.”
Seriously, I was getting grief from a guy who goes out to the perpetual mud puddle in the parking lot when it's cold so he can test whether or not the ice in it is strong enough to hold him up...

Back before the football season started, I made some predictions regarding who'd make the playoffs. I was right on exactly three of those picks- all in the AFC: the Colts, Chargers and wild-card Ravens. I mean, I can take being wrong, but I can't believe every single one of my NFC picks were wrong!
Shelby had much better luck- she made two picks (the Eagles and Jets), and one of them is still playing...

Still, going three out of nine steadily makes you millions in the major leagues...

I can't believe that the Green Bay-Arizona game was the most exciting one this weekend. Even more so, I can't believe the Cardinals' luck (and that's all it is- the fuckers). Of course, I also thought the Packers had a defense. Evidently, I was wrong...

Okay, time for another round of annoying commercials: There's a “new” Geico commercial, retreading the “so easy a caveman can do it” shtick. That was old five years ago, or whenever it was the first time they ran. Instead, the “new” commercial is just as retarded as the other ones are (some of the Geico gecko commercials are okay, though).
Then, there's the DirecTV ads with James Lipton. Seriously, I can't be the only person who sees these and wants to crawl inside the TV and punch him in the head, can I? I mean, I appreciate the fact that he can make fun of himself, but. He's. Just. So. Fucking. Annoying. He's like in Alex Trebek territory on the pompous jerk-o-meter. It's sad, because a lot of the other DirecTV celebrity spots were pretty funny (the with Little Richard never failed to make me laugh).
And then there's the “Pepto” lady commercials- or whatever that one is where the women in the airport wanna “share” their colon health reports. Ew. Shut up, ya bitch.
I do like the Allstate commercials, though. I'd buy insurance from President Palmer or Pedro Cerrano. If I didn't have pretty good insurance already...

Shelby's determined she's going to take the day off to make sure she catches all the coverage should her Jets make the Super Bowl. I got no better pick for the AFC, so why not?
In the NFC- I just don't know. I mean, the Cardinals keep getting so lucky, it's hard to pick against them. Kurt Warner, however, makes it easy. He's another one of those people that I just want to punch in the mouth on principle.
How about a Jets...wow. I just realized that there's not one team in the NFC I want to pick. I don't like any of them...

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